Winston Churchill's Humor

“'Mr. Churchill if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!'

"Ma'am, and if you were my wife, I would drink it!”

Elizabeth Braddock: Sir, this is a disgrace, you are drunk!! Winston Churchill: And you madam, are ugly. As for my condition, it will pass by morning and I shall once more be sober, you, however, will still be ugly.

After seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands, a young man says to him “ At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet” To which Churchill replied “ At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands”

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill... Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course...
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price